Stephen's Wall of Man
Here I pay tribute to some of the greatest men and fictional characters since the dawn of time. Men who fully capture the essence that is man. If I could gather all of these men we would form a super team of manpower and take over the world.( not in any order).
1.) Optimus Prime- The greatest leader who ever lived. It took God 8 years to build him.
2.) Jesus of Nazareth- He has an amazing beard.
3.) Jack the Ripper- How can you argue with a guy who killed prostitutes?
4.) Odysseus- This clever mother fucker survived 20 years lost at sea and separated from his wife and didn’t jerk off the entire time.
5.) Batman- the realest superhero ever. This man is pure testosterone. He doesn't waste his time with sluts or other bullshit. He simply solves crime and kicks ass.
6.) Trey Parker and Matt Stone- The funniest living men. Created Cartman, The biggest asshole sociopath to ever come into our lives.
7.) Me- They call me “the new Adam”. More than a man, but less than a god.
8.) Theodore “fucking” Roosevelt- The greatest American president. This guy really is the definition of a man. While hunting in Siberia he stumbled upon a family of bears. After killing the father bear with his mustache he forced the cubs to watch him rape their mother.
9.) Donatello- see article
10.) Sir Ernest Shackleton- An explorer who led a team of men into the Antarctic and saved all of their lives with his determination and incredibly full beard. (beard not shown)
11.) John Preston( Christian Bale's character in Equilibrium)- Remember when he did that misty flip and shot the two dudes next to him while he was still in the air?…..that was awesome.
12.) Cyclops- Only a real man can lead the X-men (Wolverine is a stupid animal).
13.) Paul Newman- Cool Hand Luke, one of the only acceptable actors. Fought in WWII.
14.) Ash- He has a chainsaw for a hand, I don't think I really have to explain this any further.
15.) Magneto- Because we all know if we had super powers we would do the same thing he does: kill people and try to take over the world.
16.) Scipio Africanus- Defeated that asshole Hannibal. And to really rub in the Roman victory he ordered his men to salt all the feilds of Carthage so they could not grow crops anymore. This guy was a huge asshole and I love it.
17.) Charlemagne- A German medieval king who didn’t even know how to write but still fucked shit up.
18.) Metacom( King Philip)- A respected adversary of early European colonists. He fought his dick off.
19.) Erwin Rommel- Yea I know this guy fought for the wrong team but he’s still worthy of glorification in my book. He was one crafty bastard.
20.) Ken- By far the coolest street fighter character.